Saturday, 23 February 2013

LOVE AND MARRIAGE

FALLING IN LOVE IS NOT ALWAYS THE BEST REASON FOR MARRIAGE.

Falling in love is a time when we are totally involved with another.  A time when we wish to be with them at all times.  A time when we only see their wonderful traits and do not wish to see anything that will 'burst the bubble'.  This is a time when you are worshipped and you worship the other.

THIS IS A SITUATION THAT IS DIFFICULT TO KEEP GOING FOR THE NEXT 40 OR 50 YEARS.

This has been the reason for the 'engagement' time.   A time between falling in love and getting to see other characteristics in our partner.  This is also a time when we should be looking at whether we want to spend the next 40 or 50 years with this person, thinking about where you will live, do you want children, will you both work, how will our families get along etc.  So many girls now days spend this time planning a huge (expensive) wedding and  The Dress!!     This is all part of the fairytale...the day when they will be the centre of attention...the day when not only their future husband will look at them with adoration, but they will be admired by all those guests at the wedding.

Marriage was once necessary for women as they were not allowed to earn their own living and had to depend on a man to take care of them and their children.Without the modern conveniences we have now men needed a woman in their home to take care of them and the family.
The roles were clear cut.  Women did not spend months or years planning the most expensive wedding they could think of, or the dress that would allow them to be the most beautiful woman in the world.  They spent the time before marriage learning the skills that they would need to keep their marriage going well for the next 40 or 50 years.    Each person knew their 'role' and although this did not necessarily make them happy they worked at their own jobs.
Now it is so easy to let go and finish a marriage when the fantasy has settled into everyday situations.  This has created so many stressed women, men and children.  So many unhappy people who have found themselves in a life with someone that the do not really know.   Someone who does not understand their deepest values.
Naturally, there are happy marriages with people who are lucky enough to find a partner with the same values as themselves.  This is the main thing that must be addressed.  What are your values?  Does your partner understand them?  Do you understand your partner's values?

Marriage needs to have a firm foundation if it is to succeed.  The reasons for marriage are not so importnt now as men and women can earn their own money and have their own car and homes.  It is still good for children to have a secure environment with male and female energies to guide them.

Now that we are entering the Aquarian age of acceptance, and moving out of the Piscean age of sacrifice we need to look at our old traditions and see if we feel that they are right for the place we are in.

We are creating new traditions with the situations and world attitudes we are living in now.

Tuesday, 19 February 2013

VALUES

Recently, during my meditation three Blue Angels appeared.   They were holding a largebook titled VALUES.   It was a very large book.   The Angel in the middle held the book while the other two Angels supported the outspread pages.
As my main interest at the moment is about relationship it occured to me how important each person's values were in their relationship to each other.    The book was showing me a page for each person with a list of the things that they valued.  There was a photo of each person beside their values.
I asked the other members of my meditation group if they were willing to fill in a page of their values in order to put in a book so that others might be able to look at it and compare their own values.
In the list was, name, astrological sign, age, married, un married, nationality, religion.    Also, what value do you place on...money, your family, marriage, sex, your job or career, your home, your friends, spirituality, your sport, your hobby, your entertainment, your politics?
What a list.  Just one of those subjects can disrupt a relationship.  Look at all the areas in your life where you can have disagreements or differences of opinions.
Many of our values are in place by the time we are five years old.    Until children are five they are only obtaining their values by their emotions, not their mental capacities.   Strong family values of nationality, religion and home soak into a young child.   These values can cause problems for them at a later stage in their lives as an ingrained attitude without them realising that they have the ability to look at thing differently now.
As we  grow we develop our own ideas and attitudes through our basic nature (astrological sign) and inhereted family characteristics as well as the many different friends we meet and the many different situations we find ourselves in.   We may become dedicated to a particular sport or form or entertainment such as rock music or opera.   We may agree or disagree with our family's politics.  We may have rowdy friends or intellectual friends.   
During our growing up time we form ideas about what we feel is attractive in the opposite sex.   We often head for that type of person without realising that all the other values are part of us and part of them.
Part of our western idea of 'falling in love' is actually 'falling in love' with something the other person has that we would like to have, such as popularity, confidence, softness or hardness.     In the initial 'honeymoon' stage of a relationship while we are being adored and can do no wrong many values in the other person are overlooked.     However, once the 'romance' has settled down a little different values raise their ugly head and need to be addressed.   It takes real love to work through the problems that different values present.
Spiritual values of love, acceptance and the knowledge that we are all here on the Earth School learning about how we can develop the best of ourselves can often help couples to look at their differences in a kinder way.   Realising that none of us are perfect and we are all learning.
If we are lucky enough to meet someone who has similar values and is tolerant of different values we should be extremely grateful and do our best to help others to appreciate their own values too.